Shane Warne’s comeback
There is no way that Shane Warne would ever come back, but you need something to write or talk about at the pub. People have been saying Warne should come back since he left. Now Australia is truly hitting some new lows, they’re screaming it. It also seems that some are actually stupid enough to donate to a website to get him back. People are starving, dying of Aids and animals are being killed by Sarah Palin, yet people are willing to donate to a rich 41-year-old man for cricket. This makes me proud of cricket and scared for human existence. I hope he does come back at the Waca, a ground where he has never done very much damage, just so all these people see that he isn’t going to suddenly make the Aussie team the one they remember. Then I hope he spends all their money from donations to buy a Ferrari made of cheesecake.
Australian non-existent crowds
It seems that there are no Australians at the matches this year. With less English reportedly travelling out and Adelaide and Brisbane having two of their all time best attended Tests , there are clearly people at the Tests. Australians are event fans, they sell out the main days, and then barely come out for the rest of the Test. English fans have travelled across the planet to get here, of course they are going to go to the Test for all five days. Australian fans are more like football fans – and they don’t really do all five days anyway – damned if they are going to start turning up now that Australia are losing. I’ve sat at the MCG for many fifth and fourth day Australian victories with less than 20,000 people after being there on the first day with 80,000 or more. It’s just how it is.
Channel 9 loves cricket
You can hear the excitement in Mark Nicholas’ voice, see it in Ian Healy’s eyes and there is just no doubt than Channel 9 love the cricket. They talk about it with such passion and excitement, they sound like Pentecostal Preachers at times. So they must love it. Well, they love it on their terms. They don’t love it when the news is on. At 6pm on the dot the cricket goes off the TV, meaning that millions of Australians didn’t see Michael Clarke getting out (perhaps this was a public service). On one day at Brisbane Channel 9’s coverage didn’t start straight away, as they had a kid’s programme that hadn’t quite finished. They love it more than day-time TV but less than News or Children’s programmes.
England can still lose the Ashes
There was a lot of talk from Ricky Ponting and the press about how Australia just need to win two Tests to win the Ashes. No. There are three Tests left, so if Australia win two Tests, what are they doing with the other one? They need to win two, and draw one, or just win three. At present time is no stream of reality where this looks possible. In fact, I bet if quantum physics was really correct, even in other dimensions the Australians couldn’t come back from this.
Ian Botham and Ian Chappell really hate each other
This is not true. We all know what happens in schoolyards across the world. Girls and boys who have crushes on other girls and boys often lash out at the other physically and verbally as they don’t know how to express their real feelings.
Jrod blogs at cricketwithballs.com
Read more on the Ashes:
The Cricket Australia Christmas Newsletter
Lawrence Booth watches Andrew Strauss’ Ashes mask slip
John Stern remembers the ghost of a coach past
Daniel Brigham says England will miss Broad more than they think
Edward Craig’s second Test awards
See the second Test in pictures at TWC’s Gallery
Ashes live: Sam Collins on that final session
John Stern tries to convince himself that England can actually do it
What the Aussie papers said about day one at Adelaide – it’s not nice
Alex Bowden on Australia’s troubles with depression
Gideon Haigh picks his best Australian Ashes XI
Lawrence Booth on the UDRS